Its that time of the year again

Its that time of the year again

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Hello kids !! Its THAT time of the year again …

What time?? … do you ask !!

It’s the time when we unpack n clean the dust off those little tricolor flags cause it’s the occasion when India resumes its talks with Pakistan again again again ... again

You see India and Pakistan have a history …..  This ‘history’ goes way back … I mean this story is so freakin' old that when it all started … blackberry and apple were nothing but fruits.

What’s the story?? ... u ask ?     

                                                                          

You see back in the forties long before himesh reshamiya , Michael Jackson , Beatles and Elvis Presley, when Hitler and the allied forces were beating the shit out of each other (yeah now u see what I meant by OLD) the talks about India’s independence started to actually amount to something. The moment it became clear that the British were leaving, the wolves came in howling, claiming the throne of the nation. Eventually two independent nations; India and Pakistan came into existence n both the PMs were simply ecstatic (a couple of million people died along the way but why cry over spilt milk …. People had the recent holocaust to worry about.. Who would notice the biggest exodus of modern times ). It wasn’t long before they figured that just the throne of the nation is not enough they also needed a summer home just like the British had in shimla … cause believe me it gets hot here in the subcontinent, so they both start looking at kashmir n decide its theirs now. Kashmir’s king had no Idea what was going on and by the time he realized how frustrated a megalomaniac on a power trip can get in the summer heat, he had forces from Pakistan breathing down his neck. So he asks the Indian PM for help and in turn accepted to merge with India. Ever since, India and Pakistan haven’t seen eye to eye. Wars, Espionage, Terrorist attacks, HIV+ girls on the border, u name it and it has already been tried.

So what’s so interesting about this story?

(apart from  an animosity that has crossed the better part of a century and loss of millions of lives… )

Well, the interesting part is the ‘tradition’ that this history has given birth to …

What tradition?.. Do you ask!!

The tradition of exchanging gifts and greeting cards.

The people on both sides just love to exchange greeting cards it’s just that they like to call those greeting cards as the nefarious DOSSIERS (the most dread ones are the ones printed with bold and Italic words some even in UPPERCASE). What do they write in those greeting cards … oh sorry … my bad … DOSSIERS … nothing important just things like;

Wassup ??

hows it been ??

hows the wife ….. ??

how are the kids ??

hows the neighbor ??

n oh yeah.. you were looking smart in that new black suit standing with Sarah Palin

PS – there was a terrorist attack on us from your side…. nothing big.. Just a couple of hundred ppl died  ..  if you get the time..  pls look into it … no hurry…. take your time

PPS – I also sent a consignment of mangoes …. Write me back if you want more.

A new black suit – a couple of hundred dollars

A terrorist attack on another nation’s soil – a couple of million dollars

A photo with Sarah Palin - A couple of thousand dollars 

A Consignment of mangoes -  Another couple of hundred dollars

Brotherly love – Priceless

For everything else:  there is a guy waving a small flag looking at the television screen with hope of better future in his eyes.

People tend to call me a pessimist but let me tell you one thing, I am anything but a pessimist , even though it took me two powercuts to finish this piece  I still believe in the time tested tradition of ;

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me .. fool me a million times over and you can run my country

PS - My best wishes to our honorable Home Minister, Chidambaram Sir on his current trip to pakistan

All in a Day's Work

All in a Day's Work

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This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 5; the fifth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

7 am

Alarm rings, Anil wakes up. He pulls on a his jogging attire and hurries out of the house. It’s the only time of the day he can be free, relaxed and meets his friends. Since he got out of college life has been getting more n more busy with each passing day. Being on his own didn't turn out to be the dream he thought it would be.Within minutes he reaches his usual spot, everyone was already there. It was more of a get together than a workout time, But health is health wheter emotional or physical.Time always seemed to fly by when he was with his friends. Good things don’t last much longer. He glances at the watch, time to head home, back to the rat race where no one ever wins. Headphone in his ears walking down the road looking at the machinery called society warming up for yet another day. A motorcycle races by him, almost hitting him.
"The bike must be at atleast 80 kmph" he thought, Why did this fellow leave the rest of the wide road n almost drove headfirst in me?
"people like you should die in accidents" He almost blurted out.



9am

Reena: “what was that noise?”

Suresh :“sounded like a crash”


a motorcycle crashes with a bus. Rider badly was injured .. "hurry rush him to the hospital" those were the last words Arwin heard before he got unconscious.



9:30am

two ward boys talking "Have U seen Yeh mera india ?"

"no but they say it shows the reality of India, gonna watch it this week"


A body is rushed in, a man in his early 20s, unconscious and covered in blood. Hospital staff rushes to offer help.

The spark of humanity looks to be at its brightest.

Minutes later a VIP is brought in staff's allegiance changes ward boys on their toes doctors hovering over him like bees over honey. back to typical hindi movie's India. Dignitaries and police officials accompany him and binding their time to show their loyalty.



11 am

phone rings, "hello! ATS chief here ?"

"what! get the men ready, will be there in 20 minutes"

VIP: "who was that, doesnt he know you are with me ??"

"Something important came up, I will have to take your leave sir, Wish you get well soon"



1 pm

This is ria reporting for newsline, "The encounter is still going on. Two terrorist have been shot down. We have lost one brave soldier. "

"News just in, Our prime minister has decided to end all bilateral talks with the neighboring country untill further notice"



4 pm

Political experts : These are war like times , India needs to show maturity

NEWS headlines : Encounter over, 3 hours of stress, 4 terrorists shot down , India lost One brave soldier




6 pm

All nations have by now criticized the incident and praise the maturity India has shown in Its foreign policy not taking any frantic steps.

Social activists declare a nationwide peace march, political parties show ever seen before unity towards a cause.


A sarcastic yet valid remark," Everyone is just trying to hog the spotlight " goes unnoticed in “Vande mataram” , “Mera bharat mahaan” chants.



8 pm

Anil is back home. The day was tiring as usual , with the nationwide red alert things got even worse. Checking posts everywhere, Gloomy atmosphere scared faces was all he saw on the way back home.
He turn on the television



9 o'clock news is on

National Headlines:

* 4 terrorists killed by ATS in a 3 hour long encounter

* 1 soldier dead

* PM says not bilateral talks with neighbors

* Rest of the world offer support to India


Local headlines:

* VIP hospitalized, Stomach ache

* Car-Bike accident, bike rider declared dead in hospital

* traffic problems due to nationwide red-alert



Time to go to sleep!!

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Hell can't freeze over

Hell can't freeze over

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Ever since I made it one of my long term goals to take over hell ... I have been doing some homework on it ... here i am sharing some interesting finds on this amusing topic ;

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question:

Is Hell exothermic (gives of heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? (google people google ! )

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving.

I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume of Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms.Banyan during my freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you" and we take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true.

Thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

The student received the only "A" given.

taken from here

____________________________________________________________

Top 21 Good Things about Hell

21. None of that annoying check-in procedure like with St. Peter.

20. Due to recent health code changes, vats of boiling brimstone now use low-fat canola oil.

19. Your "Do you smell something burning?" slays 'em, year after year.

18. Plenty of legal help available for filing "wrongful death" lawsuit.

17. Newly passed law: Three strikes and you're back in LA.

16. Satan's confused attempts to torture masochists can be highly entertaining.

15. No need to pack the parka over Bob Dole's election chances.

14. Well, sure, it's hot, but it's a *dry* heat.

13. Free prostate checks and PAP smears administered daily!

12. The surprisingly entertaining "Hitler and Kathie Lee Show."

11. Every Thursday is Karaoke Night, hosted by Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr.

10. Prizes awarded for best crank phone calls to God.

9. Everywhere you look, there's a smoking section!

8. Big step up from Bakersfield.

7. Your little "blue flame" trick now produces spectacular results.

6. Free Microsoft software for everyone (as per agreement made back in early 80's).

5. Now that you've followed her advice, you just might get that date with Cindy Crawford.

4. 52 smmmmmokin' channels of Jim Carrey!

3. Saturday night WWF tag-team bout between Genghis Khan, Vlad the Impaler, and Hitler.

2. Everyone gets a length of pipe and a daily crack at Nancy Kerrigan's knee.

1. Fortune to be made on "Welcome, O.J." t-shirts.

The Indian Dream

The Indian Dream

✪ 58 comments

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 3; the third edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

This one was really tough for me! (even though I voted for this title) ..I will need to call in the cavalry on this one. My cavalry usually is of half a dozen specialists. Who have specialized in doing absolutely nothing! They arrive, kid around a little and start discussing "The Indian dream".
   One said, " who better to know about the Indian dream than the Common Indian Man."
     n I was like.....
     Who is this common man?
Someone said ;
   Doctors? (Are u kidding me? take a visit to a hospital u'll see they are anything but ""  common "  )
   Lawyers? (gimme a break ! lawyers, common ? haven’t u learned anything from those lawyer jokes ? )
   Bus/Auto/taxi-wallahs ? (yeah right and all those bloggers writing their heart out against their 'tactics' must be the 'bad guys')
   Students? (lols! have u seen students agitating? ..they are force to be reckoned with)
   Govt servants?(really that’s the best you can come up with?)
   how about politicians then ?(lols! gimme a 'second' break, a few more minutes and someone might declare God as "  common "  ) .
   Anyone else got some idea??
 
   This discussion lasted nearly an hour and then our over-developed procrastinate instincts took over. We as usual gulped down everything in the fridge, playing 'nirvana' at high volume. Meanwhile my other natural instinct played in for a nap in the most awkward of times.
   Here i am sleeping like a 19 year old drunk baby and I see a light (was this the long awaited divine realization to an atheist?) ..
   i see a old aged man coming towards me.. he had a not-ironed shirt tucked into some old fashioned jeans, Thick glasses and simple sandals on
  

   Me- hallelujah! God
   He- God! God! , where is god? (nearly shaken)
   Me- U aren’t God?
   He- No! I am the common man!
   Me- COMMON MAN! Didn’t expect u here
   He- No one expects me anywhere :(
   Me- since you are here! can I ask u a favor?
   He- sure
   Me- can u give me an insight on the Indian Dream, I got this blog post to finish for this contest.
   He- what's a blog?
   Me- it’s a.....blah blah blah!
   He- my ears hurt! Leave it ...asks whatever u wants to!
   Me- k lets start! Who are u?
   He- I am the common man. I am one, I am many. I see all but none sees me. I am the crowd, yet so alone. I am strength, yet so weak. I am speed yet so slow...
   Me- ok ok OH! COMMON ONE...Enough with the philosophical mumbo jumbo, let’s get to the business.
   He- U asked! U should be more discreet in your question.
   Me- "discreet" big word for u, don’t u think! Very well
   1. What do u think about "education" in the Indian dream?
   He- Education, hmmmm.. my daughter just got into college. She is doing engineering, she worked her heart out for IIT but couldn’t get in, they didn’t have enough seats for people like us. And I didn’t have enough money to get her into some other hi-fi college. Still 50,000 Rs/- per semester i have to pay. I should have listened to my uncle about aborting the girl child. But no I had to be all modern and literate.
   Me- Good thing you didn’t listen to your uncle!
   He- Me too, but sometimes I wonder if after all this effort she put in, what if her in-laws don’t allow her to work. It’s the tradition in our community that women do the house work and men work outside
   Me- why? women are as good as men in every field!
   He- I don’t live in a metro you see! we have a joint family in a small town so we have to go by the traditions.
   Me- oh! .... Speaking of working!
   2. What about "employment" in the Indian dream?
   He- My son just got a job in a multinational company. He did his MBA last year but couldn’t get a job due to recession, times have changed for us now. He sends some money back. Along with my income its more than enough for us to meet our expenses.
   Me- Good for him! Your son married?
   He- No, but we are looking for a suitable girl for him.
   Me- shouldn’t he be the one looking?
   He- I told you about our family, he will probably go for some big city girl out of our community and this is not allowed in our family. We marry where our elders want us to marry.
   Me- talk about old fashioned! So what about you? Any plans for the future?
   He- you get old enough to marry boy, you will know what I mean,
   Leave it. I retire this year from my job! I worked there for 32 years. I have found a nice plot in my area and I want to make a house of my own on it.
   Me- I thought u lived with a joint family.
   He- yes I do, but i pay rent to my uncle, it gets too crowded there sometimes. It’s not like i don’t enjoy there, we celebrate holi, diwali together. A few months ago my cousin’s daughter got married so we all chipped in for help. But a man deserves his privacy. there is always some argument or the other. You won't believe the kind of opposition i got when i decided my daughter would go to college.
   Me- And that was a very good decision you made!
   So all this corruption that i heard you have to bear is it all true??
   He- Its not so bad, once you get the hang of it. Let me tell you a secret work does get done without bribery too. But you need patience, not Gandhiji's patience because that might run out i am talking about common man's patience. This man i know got his retirement money after 11 years of court case.
   Me- ohk! Tell me one thing...all this fuss about India changing.. Is this all true?
   He-Yes its true, I have been taking that same road to work for all these years and potholes seem to be friendlier now. But i did visit Delhi after 15 years and my god has it changed all i see are roads, roads n more roads, I don’t know what they did to all those trees but they really out did themselves on roads. It took me 2 hours to find my relative's place. Though his house didn’t seem to have changed much.
   Me- K... Are you a political person?
   He- Not really, I remember this instance when i took my revenge at a politician. This guy offered me money to vote for a politician, I accepted the money and voted for the other guy. The politician won anyway ... but at least I don’t have blood on my hands..
 
   Wake up! Wake up! Sleepy head you have been dozing off for hours now, this girl has called like dozen times...New girlfriend? ... We got Milan vs. Zurich (btw Milan lost 1-0) in a few minutes and what about your blog post?
 
   "Where is that guy?”, I said . Who? "you must have been dreaming".
   Maybe I was!, You won’t believe who i saw!.....God? .... no, the common man. Oh! .. What did he say? Usual stuff about how life is a bitch..... Did you got something interesting for you blog?
   Not really! He was all sad n grumpy and stuff like all those old guys; my daughter this, my son this... Not one word about the policies of the govt, about Gandhism, religious tolerance, etc.

(Maybe, thats all that common man dreams about... Interesting!!!) 

  No chance ......  I think i need to Google something about the Indian dream.

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Image credit : Desicritics.org