Hell can't freeze over

Hell can't freeze over

✪ 18 comments

Ever since I made it one of my long term goals to take over hell ... I have been doing some homework on it ... here i am sharing some interesting finds on this amusing topic ;

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question:

Is Hell exothermic (gives of heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? (google people google ! )

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving.

I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume of Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms.Banyan during my freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you" and we take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true.

Thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

The student received the only "A" given.

taken from here

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Top 21 Good Things about Hell

21. None of that annoying check-in procedure like with St. Peter.

20. Due to recent health code changes, vats of boiling brimstone now use low-fat canola oil.

19. Your "Do you smell something burning?" slays 'em, year after year.

18. Plenty of legal help available for filing "wrongful death" lawsuit.

17. Newly passed law: Three strikes and you're back in LA.

16. Satan's confused attempts to torture masochists can be highly entertaining.

15. No need to pack the parka over Bob Dole's election chances.

14. Well, sure, it's hot, but it's a *dry* heat.

13. Free prostate checks and PAP smears administered daily!

12. The surprisingly entertaining "Hitler and Kathie Lee Show."

11. Every Thursday is Karaoke Night, hosted by Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr.

10. Prizes awarded for best crank phone calls to God.

9. Everywhere you look, there's a smoking section!

8. Big step up from Bakersfield.

7. Your little "blue flame" trick now produces spectacular results.

6. Free Microsoft software for everyone (as per agreement made back in early 80's).

5. Now that you've followed her advice, you just might get that date with Cindy Crawford.

4. 52 smmmmmokin' channels of Jim Carrey!

3. Saturday night WWF tag-team bout between Genghis Khan, Vlad the Impaler, and Hitler.

2. Everyone gets a length of pipe and a daily crack at Nancy Kerrigan's knee.

1. Fortune to be made on "Welcome, O.J." t-shirts.

I just knew ....

I just knew ....

✪ 18 comments

Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.

- William Shakespeare , Romeo and Juliet

I have seen the fair
I have seen the tall
I have seen the beautiful
I have seen them all

But this time was different

I know it wasn't a dream
I know its true, It has to be
you were there, I just saw you

Standing there, It felt so right
dozens must have passed, maybe hundred
but only one was in my sight

were you there ?, Did I really see you?
was it something too good to be true

I glanced and glanced again
just to make sure it wasn't a dream
Yes! it was true, you were there
those deep black eyes piercing through

I have heard the stories
I have read the muse
I have seen them ramble
I know their views

truly divine, yet so human
as if a dream, yet so real
It felt so shallow, just a cliche
I laughed, when I heard them say


"I saw this girl, the girl of my dreams"

But I was there, I saw you
They were right, now i know

there weren't any bells
there were no violins
a long blank stare
And I just knew .....

Double Tag ...

Double Tag ...

✪ 13 comments

In last few days I was tagged by avada kedavra and karthik
so here it goes

TAG #01 : Innocent… or Guilty?

RULE 1- You can only say Guilty or Innocent.

RULE 2- You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!

RULE 3- Copy and paste this into your notes , delete my answers, type in your answers and tag to your friends to answer this.

   1. Asked someone to marry you? Innocent
   2. Ever kissed someone of the same sex? Innocent.
   3. Danced on a table in a bar? Innocent.
   4. Ever told a lie? Guilty.
   5. Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? Guilty.
   6. Kissed a picture? Guilty.
   7. Slept in until 5 PM? Guilty.
   8. Fallen asleep at work/school? Guilty.
   9. Held a snake? Innocent.
  10. Been suspended from school? Innocent.
  11. Worked at a fast food restaurant? Innocent.
  12. Stolen from a store? Innocent.
  13. Been fired from a job? Innocent.
  14. Done something you regret? Guilty
  15. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Guilty.
  16. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Innocent.
  17. Kissed in the rain? Innocent.
  18. Sat on a roof top? Guilty.
  19. Kissed someone you shouldn’t? Innocent.
  20. Sang in the shower? Guilty.
  21. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Innocent.
  22. Shaved your head? Innocent.
  23. Had a boxing membership? Innocent.
  24. Made a Girlfriend cry?Innocent.
  25. Been in a band? Innocent.
  26. Shot a gun? Innocent.
  27. Donated Blood? Innocent.
  28. Eaten alligator meat? Innocent.
  29. Eaten cheesecake? Guilty.
  30. Still love someone you shouldn’t? Guilty.
  31. Have/had a tattoo? Innocent.
  32. Liked someone, but will never tell who? Guilty.
  33. Been too honest? Guilty.
  34. Ruined a surprise? Guilty.
  35. Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn’t walk afterwards? Guilty.
  36. Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty.
  37. Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? Innocent.
  38. Joined a pageant? Guilty.
  39. Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Innocent.
  40. Had communication with your ex? Innocent.
  41. Got totally drunk on the night before exam? Guilty.
  42. Got totally angry that you cried so hard? Guilty.

i am 19/42 guilty ... Majority rules, i am still innocent :P


TAG #02 : How DUMB are you?
The more [x]’ s the “dumber” you are.



[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking
[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking
[x] You have ran into a glass/screen door
[x] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle
[x] You have thought of something funny while walking by yourself
[x] Laughed, then watched people give you weird looks
[x] You have run into a tree/bush.
[ ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow
[x] You have tried to lick your elbow… a few times
[x] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little star have the same rhythm.
[x] You just tried to sing them.

so far : 10

[ ] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.
[ ] You have choked on your own spit .
[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don’t get it.
[ ] You’ve never seen the Matrix.
[ ] You type only with two fingers.
[x] You have accidentally caught something on fire
[ ] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes.
[x] You have caught yourself drooling.
[ ] You have fallen asleep in class and fell outta your chair

so far : 12

[ ] Sometimes you just stop thinking
[ ] You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about
[ ] People often shake their heads and walk away from you
[ ] You are often told to use your “inside voice”.
[ ] You use your fingers to do simple math
[ ] You have eaten a bug
[x] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important
[x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it
[x] You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand
[ ] You have ran around naked in your house.

so far : 15

[ ] You repost bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t.
[ ] You break a lot of things.
[ ] Your friends know not to use big words around you.
[ ] You tilt your head when you’re confused
[x] You have fallen out of your chair before
[x] When you’re lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling or wall
[ ] The word “ummmmm” is used many times a day.

TOTAL: 17

 I am (17/37)*100 = 45.9459459% DUMB !
Majority rules am still not dumb enough to be actually declared DUMB

Now people any questions ??
         
About tagging others,
I am a really lazy fellow... so if you have read this, consider yourself tagged ! No  use hiding, i got an IP tracker n a stat counter(with in built visiting time tracker) measuring your every move. You have just been TAGGED!

Awards ...

Awards ...

✪ 14 comments

To the amazement of some (ok! many) ... I was awarded by 2 enlightened souls (I am the holy saint of atheism .... I think i can give away such titles as well )
These noble people are :- 
Sid and avada kedavra

the following are the awards i recieved and the people i forward them to ...

I would like to forward this award to Avada kedavra ,Karthik , Kshitij , Fat tom, Ross horsely, devin

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I forward this award to God, Avada kedavra, Priyanka, shruti, Mrs P, Darshan chande, Paritosh , Sunil

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These two awards go to all my personal favorite blogs Sid , karthik , Shruti , Mrs. P , Avada kedavra , Darshan chande , Paritosh  , Sunil , Kshitij , God, Nethra

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Too much names to "write" n "link to" ......   So If you are reading this and have seen me snooping around your blog ....  you have been given these 3 awards .

 

Happy blogging all 

The Indian Dream

The Indian Dream

✪ 58 comments

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 3; the third edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

This one was really tough for me! (even though I voted for this title) ..I will need to call in the cavalry on this one. My cavalry usually is of half a dozen specialists. Who have specialized in doing absolutely nothing! They arrive, kid around a little and start discussing "The Indian dream".
   One said, " who better to know about the Indian dream than the Common Indian Man."
     n I was like.....
     Who is this common man?
Someone said ;
   Doctors? (Are u kidding me? take a visit to a hospital u'll see they are anything but ""  common "  )
   Lawyers? (gimme a break ! lawyers, common ? haven’t u learned anything from those lawyer jokes ? )
   Bus/Auto/taxi-wallahs ? (yeah right and all those bloggers writing their heart out against their 'tactics' must be the 'bad guys')
   Students? (lols! have u seen students agitating? ..they are force to be reckoned with)
   Govt servants?(really that’s the best you can come up with?)
   how about politicians then ?(lols! gimme a 'second' break, a few more minutes and someone might declare God as "  common "  ) .
   Anyone else got some idea??
 
   This discussion lasted nearly an hour and then our over-developed procrastinate instincts took over. We as usual gulped down everything in the fridge, playing 'nirvana' at high volume. Meanwhile my other natural instinct played in for a nap in the most awkward of times.
   Here i am sleeping like a 19 year old drunk baby and I see a light (was this the long awaited divine realization to an atheist?) ..
   i see a old aged man coming towards me.. he had a not-ironed shirt tucked into some old fashioned jeans, Thick glasses and simple sandals on
  

   Me- hallelujah! God
   He- God! God! , where is god? (nearly shaken)
   Me- U aren’t God?
   He- No! I am the common man!
   Me- COMMON MAN! Didn’t expect u here
   He- No one expects me anywhere :(
   Me- since you are here! can I ask u a favor?
   He- sure
   Me- can u give me an insight on the Indian Dream, I got this blog post to finish for this contest.
   He- what's a blog?
   Me- it’s a.....blah blah blah!
   He- my ears hurt! Leave it ...asks whatever u wants to!
   Me- k lets start! Who are u?
   He- I am the common man. I am one, I am many. I see all but none sees me. I am the crowd, yet so alone. I am strength, yet so weak. I am speed yet so slow...
   Me- ok ok OH! COMMON ONE...Enough with the philosophical mumbo jumbo, let’s get to the business.
   He- U asked! U should be more discreet in your question.
   Me- "discreet" big word for u, don’t u think! Very well
   1. What do u think about "education" in the Indian dream?
   He- Education, hmmmm.. my daughter just got into college. She is doing engineering, she worked her heart out for IIT but couldn’t get in, they didn’t have enough seats for people like us. And I didn’t have enough money to get her into some other hi-fi college. Still 50,000 Rs/- per semester i have to pay. I should have listened to my uncle about aborting the girl child. But no I had to be all modern and literate.
   Me- Good thing you didn’t listen to your uncle!
   He- Me too, but sometimes I wonder if after all this effort she put in, what if her in-laws don’t allow her to work. It’s the tradition in our community that women do the house work and men work outside
   Me- why? women are as good as men in every field!
   He- I don’t live in a metro you see! we have a joint family in a small town so we have to go by the traditions.
   Me- oh! .... Speaking of working!
   2. What about "employment" in the Indian dream?
   He- My son just got a job in a multinational company. He did his MBA last year but couldn’t get a job due to recession, times have changed for us now. He sends some money back. Along with my income its more than enough for us to meet our expenses.
   Me- Good for him! Your son married?
   He- No, but we are looking for a suitable girl for him.
   Me- shouldn’t he be the one looking?
   He- I told you about our family, he will probably go for some big city girl out of our community and this is not allowed in our family. We marry where our elders want us to marry.
   Me- talk about old fashioned! So what about you? Any plans for the future?
   He- you get old enough to marry boy, you will know what I mean,
   Leave it. I retire this year from my job! I worked there for 32 years. I have found a nice plot in my area and I want to make a house of my own on it.
   Me- I thought u lived with a joint family.
   He- yes I do, but i pay rent to my uncle, it gets too crowded there sometimes. It’s not like i don’t enjoy there, we celebrate holi, diwali together. A few months ago my cousin’s daughter got married so we all chipped in for help. But a man deserves his privacy. there is always some argument or the other. You won't believe the kind of opposition i got when i decided my daughter would go to college.
   Me- And that was a very good decision you made!
   So all this corruption that i heard you have to bear is it all true??
   He- Its not so bad, once you get the hang of it. Let me tell you a secret work does get done without bribery too. But you need patience, not Gandhiji's patience because that might run out i am talking about common man's patience. This man i know got his retirement money after 11 years of court case.
   Me- ohk! Tell me one thing...all this fuss about India changing.. Is this all true?
   He-Yes its true, I have been taking that same road to work for all these years and potholes seem to be friendlier now. But i did visit Delhi after 15 years and my god has it changed all i see are roads, roads n more roads, I don’t know what they did to all those trees but they really out did themselves on roads. It took me 2 hours to find my relative's place. Though his house didn’t seem to have changed much.
   Me- K... Are you a political person?
   He- Not really, I remember this instance when i took my revenge at a politician. This guy offered me money to vote for a politician, I accepted the money and voted for the other guy. The politician won anyway ... but at least I don’t have blood on my hands..
 
   Wake up! Wake up! Sleepy head you have been dozing off for hours now, this girl has called like dozen times...New girlfriend? ... We got Milan vs. Zurich (btw Milan lost 1-0) in a few minutes and what about your blog post?
 
   "Where is that guy?”, I said . Who? "you must have been dreaming".
   Maybe I was!, You won’t believe who i saw!.....God? .... no, the common man. Oh! .. What did he say? Usual stuff about how life is a bitch..... Did you got something interesting for you blog?
   Not really! He was all sad n grumpy and stuff like all those old guys; my daughter this, my son this... Not one word about the policies of the govt, about Gandhism, religious tolerance, etc.

(Maybe, thats all that common man dreams about... Interesting!!!) 

  No chance ......  I think i need to Google something about the Indian dream.

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Image credit : Desicritics.org